Friday Funk....

Hey all!
I'm steering clear of any link-ups right now (maybe I'll get in the mood to participate later), because I am just having one of those down in the dumps days. The weather has been dreadful here...we haven't seen sunshine since Monday morning (and that was even overcast), and it is putting me into an even deeper funk.

So, I know I wrote a bit ago that MP and I decided to break up (almost a month ago), and in that time we still found ourselves talking, and attempting to date, fix things, etc. I wouldn't commit to being back together until I saw that things were really different. And some days it WAS different, which gave me hope that maybe we COULD work things out. But those days never lasted very long. I feel like I was always in this cycle of drama, that I couldn't get out of.

MP is not a bad person. There are some things from his past that, I think, make him jump the gun and feel like people don't care about him. So, a normal situation where there is misunderstanding, he views as "you don't care" or "you aren't trying" when in actuality I WAS trying (the fact that we were still even talking and attempting things WAS me trying). But, last night I stuck to my guns and told him that I just couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't continue to live in the cycle of drama, only to have a day or a few hours of "nice time." After that conversation he deleted me from Facebook, his running website, everything. And, even though I know that this relationship was not the one that I wanted, it is still sad. I care about him, and don't want him to think negatively of me. But I guess that "needing acceptance from others" piece of me needs to let that go so that I can move past things and get to the really really good things that I hope are coming.

I think the "let down" is happening now...where I'm not in the cycle of drama, not spending time worrying about what the next thing I'm gonna get misunderstood about is, etc.

So, I took the advice of my friend Trish and let myself have a night to just feel it. And it's kinda carried over to this morning (again, the weather is just dreadful!) But I'm gonna do my best to get to the brighter side of this by the afternoon. I know that I deserve better, but it's just hard letting go of someone who you truly do care about.

I hope you all have great ends to the week, and relaxing weekends (or really fun stuff planned). I will probably be drafting plans to build an ark in case this rain doesn't stop! And, doing whatever it takes to get myself to a supremely happy place, because I know that I deserve that!

(Sorry for the deep post, just really needed to vent out some feelings, and writing always seems to help me do that. So, thanks for listening (or, reading) :)