Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.I'm not struggling with a whole lot right now (and no, God, that's not an invitation to give me something!) I have a lot of good things going in my life.
But I guess something I've never been good at, and continue to "struggle" with is waiting.
I'm excited for the things that are coming up in my life. So excited, that I just want them to happen NOW (immediate gratification!!) haha. Even though I know things happen when they're supposed to and yadda yadda yadda (I get it)....I still find myself eagerly anticipating (that's putting it nicely) the next steps.
Engagement.
Wedding.
Kids.
Those being the top three at the moment! haha
I know that MG and I are on the same page and that he wants what I want. Which is nice that for the first time in my life (because it's finally right), I'm not sitting here worrying about whether he loves me, wants a future with me, etc. Not for a second have I worried about that.
And since we both know that, I just want it to happen. Everyone around us is getting engaged or married (given, they have all dated much longer than we have), which makes me that much MORE excited for it since I'm surrounded by the planning and excitement talk a lot, you know?
But, you know what I think is a big thing that I think about, and contributes to me wanting it to happen sooner rather than later (other than me being 30)?
I want my Dad to be healthy enough to walk me down the aisle. Or even be at my wedding. And see the kids that I'll hopefully have one day. It scares me to even write those things, as if they might not happen, but it's a possible reality. Since my dad's heart attack he's gotten better, but he's not back to his every-day self, and I don't think he ever will be.
My dad is also older. Much much older. So he didn't "bounce back" from the heart attack like someone in their 50s or 60's might.
With everyone getting engaged, I'm realizing just how long it takes to plan a wedding. And then having a baby takes a good amount of time too (you gotta make sure that baby cooks!). And I just want my daddy to be around for those moments in my life.
Now that life is good and I have so much to look forward to, I want it. And I want my parents to be there to see it, too.
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I know everything will come in good time. And I'm super glad that I have such awesome things to look forward to, with such amazing people in my life.
The bottom line is, I'm lucky. So if I have to wait, I will, because I know it's worth waiting for.
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The bottom line is, I'm lucky. So if I have to wait, I will, because I know it's worth waiting for.
I think you're really brave to write down some of those fears. But you ARE lucky and it sounds like you have a really positive attitude. That's awesome!
ReplyDeleteAh, waiting. Isn't it fun?? Lol. I totally understand wanting to make sure that your dad is there for all those things. Just thinking about my parents not being around for my kids is enough to make me want to have a baby ASAP. (Although not in reality... lol). All in due time. :)
ReplyDeleteWow, I love the open honesty in this post. I was where you are now three years ago before I was proposed (just days after my 30th birthday). I was so happy when it "finally" happened. IT will happen, when the time is right.
ReplyDeleteGood luck x x x
Ahhh... the waiting game. I am also playing that right now...tick tock tick tock.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you put this out there, I think it's easier to deal with once it's not all in your head. I know you're ready and I'm super excited for you and the wonderful things to come. Having your daddy not 100% totally breaks my heart and I know how badly you wanna have him around for all the special times ahead.
ReplyDeleteBut, I'm putting it out there that no matter when it happens [and I'm *sure* it's soon] your dad will be there to celebrate with you in all your happiness and glory.
Enjoy the pre-moments my friend, because it all changes, quick :)!
Sweet post about your Daddy. You don't have to have lots of time to plan a wedding if you don't have a huge affair. If getting married is the important part to you, and having your Dad with you when you do, why not go ahead and get married. Have a nice small family affair. You can always through a big party later, if the party part of a big wedding is important to you. I often think things have gotten a little turned around, society has made getting married a huge business; but it's not the wedding that's the important thing, it's the marriage, it's the joining of 2 people in love.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you.
Struggles
ReplyDeleteEngagement.
Wedding.
Kids.
in that order?!
I think we should swap some stuff around...whatddaya say?!