Bachelorette Thoughts

Sorry for being MIA yesterday--lots went down on Tuesday and then Wednesday was Field Day at school so that, mixed with meetings, kept me pretty busy yesterday.

But, I'm back, and I'm ready to dish again about the Bachelorette!

(Even if you don't watch, read on for some funny/sarcastic commentary on "the most dramatic season yet" (not really)).

We start the episode with Kaitlyn  confronting Clint, who had the infamous line last week of "Villains gonna vill" and wanted to stay in the house for his man-crush, JJ...not for Kaitlyn.

Clint tries to sweet talk his way out of Kaitlyn kicking him to the curb, but it doesn't work. And while she is admonishing him in front of the group, his lover best friend JJ steps in and tells Clint he owes the group an apology.

Which prompts two things:

1) the best comment of the night, from Tanner:

"If you're gonna be a douche, be a douche. But don't be a douche and then throw your best friend under the bus. That just makes you an unloyal douche"

(and the winner for using the word 'douche' the most times in a single interview segment goes to....)

and 2) Clint turning into a scary monster. We saw his true colors...and we will likely see those true colors in a mug shot one day soon. I would not be surprised.

(insert inmate number here) {via}

JJ then goes into a glass case of emotions, complete with tears, semi-silent sobs, and slapping himself across his own face.

Nothing says stability like slapping yourself. On camera. In front of America.

Anywho, the group date happens and they have to rap. Props, Bachelorette producers, for coming up with the idea to have the whitest white dudes attempt a rap battle against one another.

Who would have thought that Disney character,  Corey, would be the most "hard core" of them all? After being white version of a Bone Thugs N Harmony member (not really), he  shows up in salmon pants for the night portion of the date.

You are an enigma, Corey. A freakish Disney-cartoon-look-a-like enigma.

{via}

And shortly thereafter, Nick Viall makes his appearance. With his signature Brillo-pad bedhead hair:

He tells Kaitlyn he can't let her potentially get engaged to someone else without trying, and wants to be part of her harem of men. Ok, maybe he didn't use the word 'harem'...

The men are none too pleased with this, including my main squeeze Shawn (aka Ryan Gosling look-a-like). When the men are together talking about this, they go about sharing how they will be mean girls to him when he arrives (not talking to him, etc). Macho. Flex those muscles, men!

Kaitlyn's one-on-one date is with, Jared, who still has a messed up eye, along with a few others who have black eyes (seriously, ABC producers, maybe next time you have all of these physical contact activities, you think it through and hold it a little later, so your dudes dont all sport black eyes for the rest of the season in their interviews).

{via}

Anyway, not much eventful happens on their date because Kaitlyn is thinking about Nick the entire time. Jared shares that he is here for her, and this is her journey. Blah blah blah. 

Kaitlyn also ends up on a date with Chris after an awkward group audition where he wins the priviledge of being in Aladdin on Broadway with Kaitlyn. A very small part. We'll call it a "walking part" because they walked on, and walked right back off the stage.

Chris seems nice, but super mushy and shares all kinds of sayings about "soaking it in", "drinking it in", "taking everything in" and other cliche statements. 

Where Corey looks like a Disney character, I think Chris might actually live in a Disney movie. He might want to look up the number of this little lady:

{via}

We are basically left waiting for Nick's arrival. Until next week, when hopefully more shenanigans take place so I can comment on them :)