One Year Gone

Dear Dad,

It's almost unfathomable to me that it's been a year since you've been gone. March snuck up on me this year, and with that, the realization that it's been a year kind of hit me over the head this week. That doesn't mean that I don't miss you and think about you every day, this is just another one of those mile markers we're getting to in this journey of grieving.

I've had several moments in the last month where I remember that this time last year was when I was going back and forth visiting you in the hospital, hoping that you'd make a recovery and be able to go back home. I still replay the last words you ever said to me in my head, and hearing your voice. I still remember what it felt like holding your hand and telling you that everything would be ok and letting you know that I love you. 

I wish you were here so I could give you a hug and tell you again how much I love you and how thankful I am to have you for my dad. Never once in my life did I ever doubt that you love me, and I think because of you I found a man who makes it so that I never have to wonder about that either. 

I wish you were here to see me pregnant. Kind of a strange thing to say, I know, but even in the midst of everything you were dealing with last year, you still always asked how we were doing with our baby journey. I know the day we have our baby girl will be one of the happiest of my life, but like with every stage of this, it's tinged with a little bit of sadness because you aren't physically here to be a part of it, and hold your granddaughter. You weren't a crier, but I know you would have teared up immediately once you saw her and held her.

Like I always tell you, I take solace in knowing that you're still watching over us. It's not the same as if you were here, but it's comforting when I know that you can't be.  Please keep watching over us, and make sure that mom is ok, especially. 

Before I go, because right now I can barely see the keys through my tears, I just wanted to tell you this: I love you. From the bottom of my heart I love you and miss you so much. I'm so grateful that you're my dad. I had such an amazing role model for a man when growing up and I have lots of incredible things to tell our little girl about her grandpa when she gets here, even though I'm pretty sure you two have already met up there. Know that you're always in my heart. 

I hope we can meet in my dreams again sometime soon. I miss seeing you there.

Love you for always,

Jenn