Thursday, March 9, 2017

One Year Gone

Dear Dad,
It's almost unfathomable to me that it's been a year since you've been gone. March snuck up on me this year, and with that, the realization that it's been a year kind of hit me over the head this week. That doesn't mean that I don't miss you and think about you every day, this is just another one of those mile markers we're getting to in this journey of grieving.

I've had several moments in the last month where I remember that this time last year was when I was going back and forth visiting you in the hospital, hoping that you'd make a recovery and be able to go back home. I still replay the last words you ever said to me in my head, and hearing your voice. I still remember what it felt like holding your hand and telling you that everything would be ok and letting you know that I love you. 

I wish you were here so I could give you a hug and tell you again how much I love you and how thankful I am to have you for my dad. Never once in my life did I ever doubt that you love me, and I think because of you I found a man who makes it so that I never have to wonder about that either. 

I wish you were here to see me pregnant. Kind of a strange thing to say, I know, but even in the midst of everything you were dealing with last year, you still always asked how we were doing with our baby journey. I know the day we have our baby girl will be one of the happiest of my life, but like with every stage of this, it's tinged with a little bit of sadness because you aren't physically here to be a part of it, and hold your granddaughter. You weren't a crier, but I know you would have teared up immediately once you saw her and held her.

Like I always tell you, I take solace in knowing that you're still watching over us. It's not the same as if you were here, but it's comforting when I know that you can't be.  Please keep watching over us, and make sure that mom is ok, especially. 

Before I go, because right now I can barely see the keys through my tears, I just wanted to tell you this: I love you. From the bottom of my heart I love you and miss you so much. I'm so grateful that you're my dad. I had such an amazing role model for a man when growing up and I have lots of incredible things to tell our little girl about her grandpa when she gets here, even though I'm pretty sure you two have already met up there. Know that you're always in my heart. 
I hope we can meet in my dreams again sometime soon. I miss seeing you there.
Love you for always,
Jenn

20 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie, love, thoughts and prayers are with you! What an amazing man and father, to never have to doubt a parents love and have an incredible role model is a gift and you were one of his greatest joys and accomplishments. He's in every step you take!! xoxo

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  2. Oh friend I'm so sorry. Today will be a hard day every year but know that so many people are thinking about you. And how comforting to know that baby girl had a guardian angel forever <3

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  3. I know today is such a hard day. You wrote such beautiful words and I can't imagine a dad more proud of you. Xoxo

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  4. Hugs to you today. This letter was written so beautifully and know he is watching over you and your baby girl.

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  5. Hard day but a wonderful letter to your dad....lots of love and goodness being sent your way today.

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  6. I am absolutely positive that your dad has your daughter's soul with him for safe keeping until she comes out and that he will be with her every day after as well.

    All the love to you this week!

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  7. So sweet. I can hardly see MY keys through my tears, but know that I am thinking about you on this especially difficult day.

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  8. I am sending lots of love your way!

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  9. The one year mark is so hard. I'm approaching 6 years without my dad and it literally feels like yesterday. Saying out loud that he's been gone for 6 years sounds weird. I got married and had my baby without him physically present in my life and it was and is so hard. But I know he had his hand in my getting pregnant and I don't doubt that yours helped you as well. How lucky are we to have permanent angels guiding us on our journey called life. As much as we would much rather have our dad's here with us in the physical world, we have them in our hearts every minute of the day. Sending love to you today - it's an emotional mark. Especially being pregnant. ❤

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  10. What a wonderfully written, thoughtful expression. Maybe the anniversary of today has played a role in the rut you've been facing. I cannot imagine what you are feeling, but am willing to bet that your daughter will remind you so much of your father as she grows up - helping keep his memory alive!

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  11. Oh Jenn. Such a beautiful letter to your sweet dad. I'm tearing up just reading it. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  12. Thinking of you today..hugs!

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  13. I am so sorry that you lost him too soon. What a touching tribute. Sending you hugs and good vibes today!

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  14. I can't believe it's been a year. Thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers.

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  15. This is soo beautiful and I got all teary eyed reading it. Sending hugs!

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  16. I can hardly believe it's been a year and I'm just a reader. Your words are precious and he would be super proud of you.

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  17. What a sweet letter to your dad. Thinking of you and your sweet family!!

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  18. Oh my girl, this was so tough to read through the tears in my eyes and I'm sure people at work think I'm a bit off with my tear filled eyes. I cannot believe it's been a year, I can only imagine how tough this time of year must be for you. I totally believe that your dad has held Baby G in his arms before she comes to you. Biggest hugs coming your way friend!

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