2 Years

Two years ago I lost my dad, and I feel it just as hard this year as I did last year. Probably a lot of that has to do with having Ella here, and wishing she was able to see my dad, and me wishing I could watch him play with her.
I was talking with a friend about how her son realized that his grandma was actually her mom, and his grandfather was her dad. The idea that mommy and daddy both have moms and dads. And it hit me: Ella will never know my dad, and never have this epiphany about him. Or so many other things about him.
I'll never get to see my dad as a grandpa.
Gosh that sucks.
I remember the day after my dad died, MG took me for a hike just to get out and do something since the weather was nice, and at the beginning of March when it's still normally cold out, there was a single daffodil poking out in the brush on this trail. I knew it was my dad, somehow--I don't know how, but I just knew.
On Tuesday I was driving home after picking Ella up from daycare and along the drive, where it's normally all brush, twigs and leaves, I sped by a single daffodil right after I had been thinking about my dad and it made me smile. 

I know you're still here, Dad, and I know you're still looking after us all. 

If I had one wish for my birthday this year, it'd be to be able to have you spend the day with us, give you a hug again and tell you I love you, and hear you call me sweetheart.

I miss you every day, Dad...every single day.

19 comments:

  1. Sending you lots of love today and this weekend - it's never easy but the signs he sends you are so wonderful.

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  2. Thinking of you sweet friend! Sending hugs xx

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  3. I'm so sorry, Jenn. Praying for you today.

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  4. I’m sorry this anniversary comes now every year. I’ll be thinking of you; don’t hesitate to message me. Even at almost six years, I still miss my mom.

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  5. So sweet. I know exactly this feeling and love when I see sweet signs to remind me of my daddy.

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  6. Hugs friend!! I know today, and everyday must be so hard. I think I've told you before my Dad passed away, but I was so young, like 5yrs old and you really can't grasp that kind of loss at that age. I just grew up without a Dad and that was normal. but to loose someone close like now will kill me and it just makes me that much more aware of the time I spend with my loved ones.

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  7. Aw this made me tear up. It is always so hard when we love someone and they leave us. Sending hugs

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  8. Sending you so many hugs! And I know you'll keep your dad alive through the stories you tell Ella about him! Also, you look just like Ella in that top picture :)

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  9. I wish Ella could have met her grandpa too. I can only imagine how you feel today. Sending you lots of hugs.

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  10. I love that daffodil you found this week - you know he's watching you and Ella. Sending you lots of prayers and love this weekend!

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  11. Sending hugs your way! Anniversaries are always hard, but he's still with you no matter what. <3

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  12. Praying for you and sending you a big hug!
    Sarah at MeetTheShaneyfelts

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  13. I can imagine how much you miss your dad so this much be the hardest anniversary to stomach every year. Sending hugs and strength your way! I'm sure he's with you at all times protecting you. Emily @ Martinis & Bikinis

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  14. Sending lots of love your way! It really never gets easier. :( I lost my Mom 7 years ago this month and it still tears me apart. <3

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  15. I know he is there looking down on you and is so proud of you and the mother you are to Ella.

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  16. Thinking of you! Loved hearing your sweet memories. Ella will love hearing stories about him and looking for reminders of him right along with you as she gets older.

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