I know many of you know that I was planning an upcoming move to St. Louis in order to end the distance part of my soon-to-be-2 year relationship (anniversary is in 6 days). During this relationship, we had had our ups and downs in relation to his parents and their view of our relationship due to me not being Jewish. Despite my willingness to convert, all of the conversations we've had, reassurances, plans, etc. "Boyfriend" called me after work yesterday and the first thing he told me was "I can't do this anymore."
His mind was made up by the sound of his voice. It wasn't a discussion but more of him telling me how depressed he has been with his family's disappointment and how he has put my happiness in front of his and really "tried" for 2 years to work past this with them. He hadn't told them I was moving there yet.
So, with less than a month and a half left to go before I was supposed to have him come out here and help me move out there to be together, after I had quit my job and told my apartment complex that I wasn't coming back.....he tells me this. Out of nowhere. And because I WAS excited, and told everyone, I now get to go back through all of the people in my life, and tell them "Just kidding. I'm not leaving" and explain the situation. I feel like an idiot. And to make matters worse, he changed his facebook profile picture and relationship status within 2 hours of our phone call. Knife to my heart.
I sit here incredibly numb since it was not expected in the slightest. I still have trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that just a few days ago he was talking about looking for jobs in other states, but wanted to make sure that I would be ok with moving to those places one day, because if I wouldn't be, he wouldn't even think of applying there. And that our anniversary weekend in NY was this weekend. And now, I'll never see him again.
I haven't had a full out cry fest yet (which is totally not like me)....but it scares me for when that moment comes. I just feel like someone picked up my world, and all of my plans, shook it vigorously and then threw it into the air. I'm not really sure where I'm going to land. I have no job, no place to live in a month and a half, and the person I was looking forward to spending the rest of my life with has suddenly decided that he "can't do it anymore." Just like that. One day and it's all changed. I'm going through sadness, disbelief and anger right now, and it rotates from moment to moment, hour to hour.
So, today I am picking up the pieces as best as I can, starting the healing process, and hoping that my friends rally around me, both in person and my blog friends. I know some of you have started following me because you're also in a long distance relationship. I hope you continue to follow, as the next part of my journey will hopefully be the greatest part.
Needless to say I might be down in the dumps for a while and not as active on here as I would be, at least for a few days.....and I need to re-vamp the whole blog since I don't really want a daily reminder of St. Louis, or him, on here. But, I'll be around.
Just wanted to let you in on my life, as the winds of change have blown in.....