Letter to my Roommate

This is for the sole purpose of needing to vent. I apologize for the massive rant, but it needs to be done for my stress-level and sanity. Because if I don't, I might explode and end up in jail. Haha, just kidding....kind of :)
If you read through to the end, you will be entertained, and amazed, that  someone like this actually exists.

Dear Roommate,
       You might be THE rudest person I know.  I have done absolutely nothing to you, throughout the last 9 months, for us to be in the situation we are in now. I have never said anything rude to you, or asked you to do anything that isn't something that's naturally expected when you live with someone. I've given you a Christmas gift (of which, you gave me nothing), I got you something nice and small for your birthday to make you feel special (of which, you didn't even acknowledge my birthday), and I even gave you a small thing of candy for Valentine's Day (given, it was leftover candy that I wasn't going to eat, but still, I was nice enough to share). During those times you were nice to me, and now I understand why: cuz I was giving you things and doing things FOR you. I know you're used to being handed everything. Since you were 23 when you moved in and on your SECOND Mercedes, I'm guessing you are used to the finer things in life. But, I hate to tell you, there are people who have been given a lot of things and are still nice people. You are not one of them.
        I think you also need to remember that YOU were the one who listed your room on craigslist WITHOUT TELLING ME. I guess you thought I would never see it, but guess what? I happened to, and you looked like a jerk. Since your reason was that it was more expensive to live here than you thought it would be (*cough cough* you drive a Mercedes C300), maybe you should try turning off the lights sometimes when you're not home, not running the dishwasher with only a few things in it or not doing laundry for one towel.  Just a thought.
        When you have people come to stay, you should let your roommate know so they don't come home to a random stranger in their home. You should also probably attempt to clean up after yourself and them within a day or two. Not a week or more later.  You also should clean out MY vacuum when you use it, so that when I go to use it, I dont have to clean up all of YOUR gunk. It would also be nice if you'd put it back. And hey, how about when you're done using MY swiffer, that you take the dirty pad off of it rather than just leaving it on the swiffer itself on the floor? Just a thought.
        Oh, and you know those Tupperware of mine that you've been using, and refuse to put back in the cupboard (and told me once, legit, that "I didn't know where they went....or something"....yet you know where they are when you use them)? Since you "don't know where they go", I put them permanently "away"...somewhere where you don't need to use them. (Yes, I pulled a teacher move on you--if you dont know how to use it, you dont GET to use it.) And how about the NINE wine bottles you left open and half empty on the counter for 5 months? You think you could have thrown those away without me needing to leave you a note? I guess you like bugs. I don't.
       It would also be LOVELY if you would shut the door to my bathroom when you are done using the laundry in there. I really dont like going to use the bathroom and having to check to see if the door is open. Plus, your hamster has come in there and pooped on my floor. I noticed you also never cleaned that up. Let me tell you, it was a LOVELY little gift to come home to after Jamaica. Just lovely. Speaking of your hamster, perhaps a good place for him to sit overnight is not on the DINING ROOM TABLE! And it would be lovely if you picked up his little shavings from his cage from the floor under the table and the counter in the kitchen. Im not sure why they are underneath the counter in the kitchen. I suppose you thought the kitchen counter was also an appropriate and sanitary spot for him to be.
       As for your laundry habits, I'm not sure who taught you that an appropriate place to lay clothes out to dry is on your roommate's LEATHER COUCHES, but it's not. If you'd like to lay out your wet clothes on furniture, I suggest trying your bed. Otherwise, perhaps a smarter alternative would be to get a drying rack! I'd appreciate not having mold growing in my leather couches. Thanks. Also, you might want to take the lint out of the dryer. Im sure you don't realize that that can start a fire, but it can. Smokey the Bear would not approve.
      Hey, if you take my bottles of water, it would be nice if you TOLD ME and REPLACED them rather than pretending that you didn't. I know that you did, and if it was anyone else, I wouldn't care. But I know that if I even moved something of yours, you would have a fit about it. So how about you stop taking my things?
      I'm also sorry that you feel like I don't take out the trash/recycling as much as you do. You also need to realize that you have made it incredibly awkward and uncomfortable to be at the apartment so I am only there about 2 nights a week. If the trash is full then, I take it out, and if it gets full when I'm gone, I'm sorry. Realistically, I dont contribute much to the trash or the recycling since Im rarely ever at the apartment anyway. If you want me to do more, just ask. Don't be passive aggressive about it and expect me to read your mind.
      Also, I would like to point out that I wrote you a note the other morning that said I would empty the dishwasher when I got home from work--I just didn't have time in the morning. Why then, you thought it was necessary to go through and take out ONLY YOUR plates and cups, is beyond me. There was no reason for that, and I get it: you've drawn the line in the sand. Excellent.
       I find it funny to overhear your convo's on the phone, complaining about how someone gave you a dirty look in the elevator at work, or someone didn't say "thank you" profusely enough when you complimented her boots on the street. Or that one of your classmates said something rude to you. I'm surprised you are able to recognize what "rude" looks like. Your life must be SO hard. Perhaps you should look at how you treat everyone else, though.
        I am counting down the days (56 to be exact) until I am done with you and all of your childish nonsense. I hope that your parents know what an outstanding child they've raised and are proud of your actions.
Jenn