Blog Every Day in May {Day 12}

Day 12, Sunday: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)

This is kinda hard. But, if I'm going to be completely honest here, it would be one of my best friends who I haven't spoken to in over a year.

We were friends the first day of college, all the way up until last April--more than 10 years. I'm still not entirely sure why things ended up in such a way that we stopped talking, but I miss the friendship that I had with her, being a part of her life, and she a part of mine.

I think sometimes it's hard to maintain friendships, especially when you don't live super close by. We did so well at it for so long, but when we didn't talk online on a daily basis anymore, it got fewer and farther between. I would try and reach out to her via email to see what was going on in her life. She would respond, I would write back, and then I wouldn't hear anything until the next time I initiated an email.

And then she got upset that I didn't tell her about MG and I moving in--that she found out about it on my blog. But, the thing I didn't understand was that I had reached out to her earlier that week because I had been nervous about bringing the topic up with MG and wanted her advice (along with all of my other friends' who I tormented with it, too haha).

She sent me an email saying that she was upset about it and didn't feel like we were friends anymore. She began the email telling me that she knew she had contributed to it too, but then continued on to just blame me for everything. I responded to her email and at the end I let her know that I still wanted to be friends, but if she didn't, I would accept that. She never wrote me back.

I don't know what else I could have done differently. I could have called more, but she wasn't a phone person so I had tried to respect that. I could have emailed every day, or every few days, but I got a little discouraged that I was always the one reaching out and responding, and having her drop off. How could I fix something she was upset about if I never knew she was upset about it until it came to a big angry explosion?

What I've come to realize is that she was an important part of my life. Someone that I truly care for and wish good things for. I miss how things were with us--easy, someone I could rely on, a constant in my life. But, if she's not meant to be in my life at this point, then so be it. I can't take the blame for a failed relationship when I feel like I tried. And I don't want someone in my life who doesn't want to be there for me, to celebrate the good things in my life, or be there when things are rocky. If the day comes where we reconnect, I will be open to it. But, for now, I'm just continuing to surround myself with positive people who I support and I feel support me.

I do miss the good times we had. And how easy it was to be around each other when we saw each other--like we had just seen each other the day before. I'll cherish our friendship always.