Things I've Chosen....

I saw on Chits and Giggles last week about the benefits of having a long engagement (and then this week about the benefits of a short one), and it got me thinking about the difference between every person's choices, some of the choices that I've made about our wedding, and even before and after the Big Day, totally not related to the wedding at all. Here's what was rattling around in my brain...(only spurred on by the blog post, not what she actually wrote, or any opinions that she did/didn't have).

Everyone is different. We have different personalities, different backgrounds, different priorities.
It makes us different and it makes us special and it makes us unique. 
I'll never push my thoughts/values/choices on someone else, or make them feel like they are less of a person for not making the same choices that I have. They haven't lived my life, and I haven't lived theirs. Everyone is entitled to make the best decisions for themselves and where they are in their lives, relationships, etc.

Some choices I've made, in regard to my relationship, that I'm not ashamed of:

1) I lived with my boyfriend before we were engaged or married.
It was something that worked for us, financially, and happiness-wise. I was over at his place ALL the time anyway, and it just made sense (and was a lot easier for me since I didn't have to pack an overnight bag and cart Cooper around anymore). We were happier together than apart. We knew our relationship was headed somewhere and this was our next step.
It was an amazingly EASY and very smooth transition for us, and I'm so glad that we did it, because it has given us the time to really be together and create "our space" and "us." We're getting married in April, but nothing will change for us with the title of "husband" and "wife" because it's just that--a title. We already have that commitment to one another and have had it for quite some time.

2) We've had an engagement of just under a year.
This has worked perfectly for us for more reasons than just my work schedule--despite me wanting it to happen much faster before we actually got engaged hehe. We've avoided much of the stresses (and costs) of planning a wedding on the super quick and I can actually enjoy different aspects of the planning process without feeling that nagging pull that there's so much ELSE to be done. We also aren't getting antsy with how much time is left as we would have been if we had had a really long engagement (I know us...ok, me...being antsy would DEFINITELY have been a big factor). We took care of so much at the beginning that the rest has been pretty smooth sailing, so I don't feel like I've been all-consumed by wedding planning. And, we've been able to spread out the budget/payments over the course of the almost-year, too (one huge benefit of a longer engagement, especially when you're paying for part of your wedding yourself). Would it be nice to be married already? Sure! Will everything turn out perfectly and be less stressful for us because we did it the way that was best for us? Absolutely. And that's what's most important :)

3) We want to have a family soon.
I'm 30. I'll be 31 when we get married. I'm not old, but I'm not "young" either...I don't know how easy/hard/fast/slow it will be for me to get pregnant once we're married. And I don't want to wait, just in case. Plus, I know that I want to start a family with MG. I love him, know he's going to be such a great dad, and can't wait to see him in that role. Sure there are LOTS of things that will change after we have kids, but isn't that the point of starting a family? We're nervous about it, of course, because it's a HUGE life change, but we're also really excited for that next step. And, most importantly, I feel like we're ready (as ready as we can be, since you're never "really" ready)--we'll be married, have a solid foundation of 3+ years together, and we know this is what we both want.

Those are just a few of the choices I've made in regard to our relationship, that I'll never regret or let anyone hold against me. They were/are the perfect decisions for us, and they'll remain that way. I'll never judge someone for making a different choice than I have. Your life is yours to live the best way for you, no matter what someone else, who hasn't lived your life, may think or feel. Do you! :)


  1. I'm right there with you on the first two. I always say, I don't think JC and I would be engaged right now if we hadn't lived together before hand. For a long time, he said he never wanted to get married and I always believed it was because he needed to grow up and also see that it really wasn't THAT big of a change. So I knew if we could live together, he'd eventually see that marriage was just the next step in making it all official. Thankfully, my logic won over on that one :)

    And the longer engagement! AMEN! I think we're both pretty similiar when it comes to planning and getting a lot of the big stuff out of the way, so we don't have to stress. I cannot imagine planning a wedding in less than 6 months or something even shorter. I give props to people who get that done.

  2. I don't agree with you and that's not how I would have done things. JK. at the end of the day you have to live your life for you. and I think you make really good decisions overall (not that it matters what I think).

  3. We were engaged for 9 months before we got married. Although I knew it was coming, so I technically did some planning before we were engaged... :) But I think that was plenty of time for us to get what we needed to get done. Although some venues that we saw in January 2012 were booked until April 2013-- CRAZY. And I'm with you too-- I just turned 30, and I'm kind of starting to feel like we should get on the baby train...

  4. I totally agree with you. They are your choices and what work for you. I am glad you see that every relationship is different. Le guy and I have talked about moving in and I know some people will not be happy about it, but its best for us. I need to chat with you about how you all handled finances etc... And Amen on the baby front. I am 31.... and when M and I were trying we had problems so its on the immediate agenda.

  5. Love your post! We have a few things in common. :) My hubs and I were engaged for 13 months and it got a little long. We also lived together before we were engaged even though we knew that would be coming. It worked well for us and I would definitely do it the same way again. It's not only convenient and makes sense, but also allows you to adjust to living with each other so that it's not such a huge change (on top of other changes) once you're married.

  6. Seeing that you guys are going to work on a family soon just made my day. I am literally smiling so big right now! You guys are going to make a some presh little ones, and I will be so excited for you guys when it does happen!:) Enjoy being married for a bit, and then make some little MG's and Jenn's! Eeeek!

    Also, I agree with you - everyone's choices are going to be different based on their lives. And no one should be judged for making the decisions that are best for them!

  7. So fun story. I was checking my stats today and looked at the referrals. I saw that you were a referral, so I had to check out the post. Thank you for the shoutout and the love! I really appreciate it!

    And I agree with #1. I am all about living together before you get engaged/married. I think that is so important so that you can learn all those weird things about each other before you get married.

  8. I thought I commented already...weird! Anyways, I was looking at my stats today and I saw referrals coming from your blog. So I had to check it out!

    I totally agree with you on #1. I think it's so important to live together before you get married. So important to learn things about each other before you get married. Thanks for the love! I appreciate the shoutout!

  9. I think the choices you have made (and are going to make) are perfect for you. And that's all that really matters. Everyone is entitled to make the best choices for themselves and if people are really your friends, they will support you for your choices even if they don't agree with them.


I LOVE hearing your thoughts and comments--so, make my day and leave me some lovin'!