Wednesday, December 17, 2014

People You Meet in Life

In the spirit of being a better me, and with the year wrapping up rapidly, I've been mentally going through some of the things I've learned, specifically the past few years, and decided to document some of the pivotal people I've met who taught me lessons about myself, life and just overall about being a better human being.
There are tons of people you meet in your life: friends, lovers, bosses, etc. Some good, some not so good, but even with the not-so-good, you can learn important life lessons and can better yourself from them.
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 Some of those people who I've met and learned things from are:

-The person who talks behind your back: 
Usually they are all sunshine and roses to your face, but then when it comes to something happy or exciting in your life, they put it/you down to others and have nothing nice to say. Also synonymous with "jealousy" because they want what you have, but don't have it yet and can't find happiness for others when they aren't among the ones who "have".

They teach you to follow your gut, and to cut unsupportive people out of your life. And to recognize the positive people who are there and excited for your joys, and supportive in your hardships.
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-The turn-it-around-on-you person:
This person can't and won't admit their part or fault in anything, unless you give them cold hard proof, and even then they still try to turn things around on you or skirt the issue entirely. You'll likely never get an apology from this person because an apology means they can see their part in something (even if it was unintentional), and they feel badly about it. These people don't feel bad because they think they can do no wrong, and only other people can be at fault. 

These people teach us not to allow someone else to make your feelings count for less than they should. Everyone has a right to their feelings, including you. If you are upset, you deserve to be listened to, not made to feel guilty for your feelings.
  {here}       and      {here}

-The person who holds secrets close, until they drink
And the secrets spill and you find out the REAL truth about them, and the 'perfect' facade they've been putting up falls down. And then you're amazed at the things they've held back from you, other friends, and sometimes even their family. They make you wonder "if you can hold that in for so long, what else are you hiding?" and if they are truly happy since they feel like they have to keep secrets from everyone.

These people teach us to be open and honest with others, and that life isn't perfect--and it doesn't have to be! It's no fun holding on to secrets and pretending for your whole life. Be you and people will love you (and if they don't, they weren't meant for your life anyway). Be someone else, and you'll be acting and hiding for your whole life without any genuine connections.
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-The person who can't let it go:
These people will continually bring up something that happened in the past, over and over and over again, despite it already being dealt with (and/or being apologized to for it). These people typically don't have anything else to stand on for their arguments, so they rely on a past event to make their case in any situation, even if it doesn't relate to the current one. Or, they bring it up to stir the pot even though the situation is LONG gone and should be over with.

These people teach us that holding on to things is not healthy. Who wants to relive the past over and over, especially if it's not a fun experience? Forgiveness is for you, not the other person, and this person teaches us to forgive and to MOVE ON.
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-The person who projects their faults onto you
This person is the criticizer of the things you do, but when you look closely, they are really talking about their own actions, and are projecting them onto you. Think of the cheating boyfriend who is convinced that his girlfriend is cheating on him, when in actuality HE is the one cheating. Or the person who says nasty things about you, but when you look at their actions, they're exactly the ones the complainer is talking about.

These people teach us to look at ourselves and see the areas that WE need to work on, so that we don't project those insecurities and faults onto other people. Because, at the end of the day, that's just not fair, and we all have growing that we can do. And, let's be real: no one is perfect.
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-The person who takes credit for things that you've done, that had nothing to do with them
This person is so miserable and has nothing of value going on in their own lives, so they focus in on you, and then take credit for things that you've done. This could be someone at work, or a personal situation, where you do something and someone takes the full on credit or does a number like "they did ____because of me". These people have one of two things going on: 1) they have no value or belief in themselves so they have to take credit for someone else's actions/ideas, or  2) think SO highly of themselves that they believe everyone else's actions are somehow related to them/what they're doing. 

These people teach us that you can be self-centered and selfish, or you can be happy. They don't go hand in hand. If someone is SO focused on you that they follow your every move and have a comment about it, or take credit for it, they have nothing positive going on in their lives to focus positive energy on. They teach us to focus on our own positive and still work hard and be ourselves, despite the annoyance of someone taking claim for it. Eventually people see who has the true character, and who is just an imitation. They also teach us that people who live in such a sad, selfish, self-centered way must be incredibly broken and miserable inside
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-The person who is overly nice to every single person around you. But not to you.
This person goes out of their way to be sweet to or converse with and acknowledge others around you, maybe even does nice things for them, but makes it a point to not do those things for you, while simultaneously making sure that you're aware of it. They try to make you feel isolated, alone, unimportant. This is the quintessential "mean girl" move. They want you to feel ostracized and "less than" because then they feel bigger, badder and more secure in whatever they are doing.

These people teach us the valuable lesson of ignore ignore ignore. Moving away from toxic mean-spirited people like this is key to happiness. And realizing that your worth isn't determined by how someone else sees or treats you, even though it might be difficult to deal with. The best words of wisdom I ever got on this were from my MIL and she told me "How someone treats you is a reflection on THEM. Their actions DO NOT reflect on you as a person. It's on them."
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To each of these people, and some who are a melting pot of all of these traits, who I have encountered in my life: Thank you. Thank you for teaching me the lessons I needed to learn in order to grow and become someone who CAN let things go, and doesn't let someone else take the blame for something that I may have done. Thank you for allowing me to be compassionate, but also willing to stand up for myself and what I feel is right. Thank you for allowing me to work on being better able to put myself in someone else's shoes. Thank you for making me a better person by making me grow and recognize the good and the bad parts of myself. The things I like and the things I want to change.  I forgive you for the hurt that was caused, because without your lessons, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
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Have you met any of these people? What did you learn from the experience? How did you grow?

14 comments:

  1. I have met every single one of these people and as soon as their true selves shine through I say bye bye!! It's so important to realize when someone is toxic and to just let them go!! Love this post girl!! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  2. I've met almost every person you described here. Sadly I actually had one friend who displayed multiple of these traits. Sometimes it's hard to let people go from your life but as I've gotten older I've learned that it's better to have several great friends than a ton of ok friends. You totally nailed it with this post. You have to learn from things!

    <3, Pamela
    Sequins & Sea Breezes

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  3. you hit the nail on the head with this one. I think all this could be wrapped up in one person and when you meet people that have one or all these qualities - just remember that it's something ugly within them and nothing to do with you. I like to say "don't take it out on me because you're miserable." it's not my fault. make better decisions! :)

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  4. I think we've all encountered people with at least one of these traits at some point in our lives. It's good to be able to take each one with a grain of salt, resolve to never be like that ourselves, and learn from our mistakes so that we never treat other people in a similar fashion. Unfortunately, there are sad, miserable people in this world and we just have to know that the way they live their lives shouldn't have an effect on how we live our own!!!

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  5. Bingo! We have all met these people and let them in at some point. Its like you said, what we learn from them that betters us. I am so proud of you for learning so much about you this year. I feel like you grew so much and are much happier and more content with your inner circle and how you choose to live your life. Yay! And here is to an even better 2015.

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  6. And then the person that you meet in blogland and want to become besties with instantly!! oh wait, that wasn't on there haha no you are so right with these types and unfortunately they are everywhere! Cheers to being the fabulous person I know that you are and cheers to 2015! xoxo MUAH!

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  7. I love all these inspirational quotes!!! As a photographer I may just have to steal the first one ;)

    Aspen Kelty Marie

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  8. Yes, yes, yes. Thank you! As frustrating as these people can be, I think it is helpful to look at the interactions as learning experiences for yourself and your friendships.

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  9. This was such a good post and awesome quotes! It's so hard to find the silver lining in dealing with some of these personalities, but you have done it! And I think that's something to be proud of. You are taking the high road and not letting their actions, dumb as they may be, affect YOUR life! So good for you, and as your BOFF, i am wishing that all these yucky people get a major case of diarrhea today!

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  10. I adore EVERY.SINGLE.THING about this post...but especially how you find the positives (in what you learned) from these negative types of people. I'm bookmarking this post to come back to when I need a reminder that something good can come out of something that seems really crap-tastic at the time.

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  11. This is a great idea! I love how positive you are, even when talking about the negative types of people that we find in our lives. Its so true that every negative person (or situation) that comes into our lives can teach us a lesson. Its important to pay attention to these lessons and learn from them! Thank you for this post!

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  12. so very well put, i have had my share of those people and for the most part cut them out.

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  13. Oh my gosh, I could have written this post. I may not have met all these people this year, but I can *definitely* say that I met a LOT of these kinds of people at my last job. So much backstabbing and negativity and just not nice people AT ALL. But, you're right, they teach us so many lessons and help us grow!!

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  14. This is such a great post!! I have never thought to look at what I learned from the not so good people in my life. Such a great perspective!

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