Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Perspective

If you're not in the mood for a serious post today, then go ahead and click the little X button at the top of your screen now.

Every once in a while (and sometimes more than that), we get so caught up in our own drama, trials and tribulations that we lose perspective of the bigger picture. That's not to say that you don't have the right to feel your feelings about a situation you're in, because you do. But sometimes it's really easy to let that situation rule your thoughts, emotions and overall happiness and kind of consume you.

I'm talking in generalities, but this is personal to me. I debated about whether I should share it here in the blog world or not because it's private, and it's scary to open yourself up and bare your soul, especially with nosy, judgmental people out there, but it's life--my life--and it's real. 
MG and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now, and it hasn't happened yet. In the beginning I hoped that it'd  "be easy for me" because I wanted it to be easy for me. After all, so many people around us were getting pregnant or announcing pregnancies, why shouldn't that be us, too? In addition to being ready, part of the reason we started trying sort of soon after getting married is that I'm 31 and I've never  TRIED to get pregnant in my life so I didn't know how easy or difficult it would be. 

In the beginning, whenever my period would come, it was depressing. I felt like my body was failing me, and it was hard not to get upset every month. And then one particularly emotional month, a friend of mine said something to me that changed my perspective for a bit:
"We spend all of our lives trying NOT to get pregnant, and when we do, and our body doesn't immediately do what we're asking, we get mad at it. It doesn't make sense." Those words resonated with me and I felt better about things for a while, more at peace.

Then we got some news recently that means it's likely going to be harder/take longer for us to get pregnant. I was devastated and so was MG, to know that something was "wrong". There were a couple of days of downright pity, sadness, tears, and "why me, why us?" kind of thoughts (on my part). It felt like a dark cloud had covered over us, and it just consumed me.

And then two days later, I met a new friend who has gone through something so unimaginable and heart breaking. She lost her husband of 5 years to Leukemia last May. She celebrated her 30th birthday and other holidays this year without her husband by her side. And she's living. And surviving. And making it through day by day. But she's strong. She isn't looking for pity, even as she's dealing with something so difficult, and upon meeting her, you'd never know that this happened just 8 months ago because she's making the best of each day and lives by the motto "All will be well."

And there I had been, wallowing in the fact that it' might be more difficult for us to have a baby, when she doesn't have her husband anymore, let alone the option of having a baby with him. And all of a sudden, perspective slapped me across the face and made me realize that I needed to really take a step back and focus on all of the amazing things that I DO have, instead of what I don't have. 
Perspective.
 Live in the now.
Gratitude.

How ironic that I posted this quote last Friday (in relation to something else) and then God/the Universe put this amazing woman in my path and gave me the biggest reality check in the form of perspective.
Does it make me want to be pregnant any less? No. Does it make me look around and realize how lucky I am to have each and every day that I have with my husband, who I love and adore, and who loves me back equally? Absolutely.
We get to have moments, just the two of us. We get to have moments where we experience something new together. We get to have moments where we disagree about something. We get to have moments doing mundane everyday things, but doing them together.
And we are lucky for it. 
I know someone now who would trade places with me in a heartbeat.

Everyone has challenges and obstacles in their lives, and sometimes they just aren't fair. But it's how you deal with them that matters. Challenges don't define you unless you let them. And they don't consume you, unless you let them. So, don't let them!

Take a second, step out of the present, and take stock of all the things around you that you have to be thankful for, instead of the things you wish would change. Because there's someone out there who is praying for your situation. Someone else who would gladly take on your "hardships".

Thanks for letting me get serious, deep and vulnerable with you guys. This was a scary post to write and hit Publish on. But, here goes....

27 comments:

  1. So as an outsider & someone who has known you for a long time (my perspective) is you have a GOOD life. And good things happen to good people (remember positive x a positive = positive). Just enjoy life and my (I mean your) little blue eyed baby will come.

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  2. Wow! What a great post Jenn! First of all, your friend sounds ah-mazing. I may take my husband for granted sometimes I'm sure but I make sure to thank God every night for him being in my life (as well as all the other blessings each and every day) I'm so glad you opened up about this bc now I can send positive vibes and multiple prayers daily for you! I am confident this will happen for the 2 most deserving people ever and I am so excited that I will be able to watch the journey unfold (and of course schedule play dates in the future) creepy or not I love you so much and just remember to stay positive! Hope you have a great day girl! xo

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  3. Oh Jenn, you are so sweet!! Sometimes it takes a serious reality check to put life back in perspective, but at the same time, we can't compare trials. You're sweet friend is amazing, strong... I don't even know how she makes it through the day after a loss like that. I look up to her so much! But what you're experiencing is heart breaking in a totally different way so you are justified to struggle with it (but I agree with you. It shouldn't be taking up all the space in your mind, even though that's easier said than done!) I hope you guys can explore fertility (clomid?) treatments and other things that will boost your chance to conceive. I'm rooting for you guys!! Hugs to you today! Thank you for sharing (it's actually exactly what I needed to read!)

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  4. Oh friend. I have been there when I struggled with Matthew. I am so glad you found some perspective, but also shared your struggles. Do not suffer alone. You are not alone in this. I love you so much and want nothing but the best for you and MG. Here if you need to talk, vent, cry, pout.

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  5. This gave me chills...emailing you right now!! Love you girl! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

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  6. I think it is really helpful to be reflective in tough times. It doesn't necessarily change the situation, but can hopefully change the outlook. I think it's great that you share posts like this. Thinking of you. <3

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  7. All I can say to this is that I'm praying for you.

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  8. Jenn, this is truly a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your heart so eloquently and openly with us today. I know that it couldn't have been easy at all. I'm so sorry that you and MG are having to go through this right now. But am loving the attitude that you have taken about it, despite the circumstances. Though it's tough and it sucks, being able to appreciate one another through this challenging time will certainly bring you closer as a couple. I have no doubt that a little G baby will be on its way in the near future, and until then, look forward to keeping up with the adventures that you and your sweet hubby get into:) Sending hugs, thoughts and prayers your way.

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  9. Sorry you are going through this situation. Whenever I am feeling down I have to remind myself that there is always someone out there with a way worse situation than I'm in. I also have a friend who recently lost her husband of almost 5 years and cannot imagine the pain she is experiencing. Thinking positive thoughts for you!!

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  10. Jenn, I am so sorry that you are faced with this. I know how vulernable you must feel right now, but I am so glad you shared. I am so proud of your perspective though and being able to see the positives. You and MG have lots of fun things planned and I am here for you if you ever need to vent. Sending positive thoughts and love your way, girlfriend. xoxo

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  11. Thank you so much for sharing this with us today Jenn! This post brought tears to my eyes and I am so inspired by your outlook on life. You are so brave, both to be sharing this with us and with embarking on the journey of starting a family. I am so sorry that you two are faced with this situation and I will absolutely be sending good thoughts your way!

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear that you are growing through this, I know it can't be easy!! I also know that you will make an amazing mama one day! Love your way! Xo

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  13. Jenn, your blog post is so touching. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this but you sharing this and your perspective on things is amazing. I'll keep you in my thoughts as you navigate this. Your blog is such a bright spot in my day and I always enjoy reading your posts. Stay positive!

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  14. First of all your friend sounds amazing because I'm not sure I would be that strong. Secondly I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have so many friends that have struggled with getting pregnant and infertility and it always helps to talk about it. I have a friend who just went through IVF and welcomed her first baby in November and she said once she opened up about her struggles to get pregnant she was shocked at how many other women had been in her shoes and wanted to share their advice or offer a shoulder to cry on. As hard as it can be to put the personal stuff out there it feels good to get it off your chest. Sending lots of prayers and good baby vibes your way.

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  15. This was such a great post--so real, so humble, and so, so true. And pregnancy or trying to get pregnant-- wow, what a humbling experience that forces you to realize that, although you control a little part of the process, so much of it is just out of your control. We spend most of our lives thinking when I'm ready I'll get pregnant, and it just doesn't work like that. I can definitely speak from experience, and you definitely can, too. Praying for peace with your situation and strength moving forward--and ultimately, that you guys will be blessed with a beautiful baby someday! Thanks for being vulnerable!

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  16. Such a heartfelt post, Jenn, and I can also understand your pain and concerns yet eagerness to pull through it, which you will. I'm in the same situation where i have never tried and don't know what will happen when I do, I'm also 31. It may take a little longer than some individuals but I believe everything will come in the right timing for you and the hubs. Stay strong girlie!

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  17. What an encouraging post...you are so wise. I am saying prayers for you and your husband during this journey...it is so easy to see what an amazing mama you will be!! You have such a wonderful perspective and I can't wait too see what you future holds. Thanks for encouraging me today!

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  18. Slow to catch up on my blogs this week. What an encouraging and real post. Gratitude has been my word to focus on for this year, and what a great reminder once again to be thankful in all circumstances. Praying for strength, peace, and hope for you and your hubby.

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  19. i read this the other day, but had to come back to comment. this is such an awesome post and i enjoy reading your blog even more now!! everything happens in the right timing, so you don't worry. :)

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  20. love this post and love that you are realizing that you are lucky in life with MG by your side. i know it's hard, trust me i know but i have every faith and hope that you will get there and have a beautiful baby in your arms soon! always here if you need to chat. as an IVF veteran i know it definitely helped me to blog about my experiences and ups and downs.

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  21. Just stopped by for Five on Friday and saw your link to this post..... and it almost made me cry. My very best friend went through a very similar struggle for almost 3 years and this hits close to home. Although I don't know your pain firsthand, I still feel like I know it to some degree because it broke my heart for her. She is now blessed with the sweetest little 4 month old boy in all the land. Love your perspective on this.

    I read a quote awhile back that is so very, very true .... "God won't tie your soul to a dead end dream!" I believe that to be true. He wants us to have the desires of our hearts!

    Sending many prayers and virtual hugs your way!!!! You are doing great and this will all be but a memory down the road. XO!

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  22. I am so sorry girl this week has been crazy and I can't believe I missed this post! Sending you so much love and you know if you have any healthcare related questions please ask me. Nothing is too much I promise....I swear people find out what I do and strangers at the gas station will tell me about their colonoscopy results. Sending you so much love

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  23. Came across your blog on Five on Friday and then linked to your Tuesday post...and I just have to say wow, what a powerful post. Obviously I don't know your story, but I think the incredible thing about the world we live in these days is that we know so much about medicine, and help is available IF needed; although it may not be the way you envisioned it. And whoa! What a God moment, such perspective! Hang in there girl, things will always work out and I know firsthand it's not always to our timing and plans! (Darnit:). -Lauren @ southpearlliving.blogspot.com

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  24. This was a beautiful post, Jenn. I have read several blogs of women who are struggling with infertility issues and it breaks my heart. I know many women who have had miscarriages, and even those who went into their 6th month and lost the babies....it's just awful. We don't know what God has planned for us, but I trust that if you feel in your heart that you are meant to be a mother, then God will make that happen for you! It may be hard, as I'm sure you are dealing with, but the end result will be worth it. I'm sorry that you are struggling with this but I will be keeping you and MG in my prayers <3

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  25. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I'm also so sorry that your friend has to go what she is going through. Life can be really hard sometimes. It sounds like you have a really good perspective. It's so hard to remember the positives when life gets unbelievably tough, but I definitely think remembering all that you do have can give you the strength and courage to face the trials and challenges.

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  26. <3 <3 <3 you are so strong!! I am praying for you daily. Keep your faith and know that it is all in His perfect timing!! xoxo

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  27. I just read this from your year in review. My husband and I are trying for a baby now and I feel every one of your emotions. I'll be sure to include your family in our prayers. Xoxo

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