Friday, June 28, 2013

Drama drama drama...

Yesterday I told you that I'd explain how my cute way of asking my girls to be in our wedding (cute little dress ornaments) turned into drama.

If you all remember, a week after MG and I got engaged, a couple friend of his asked us to change our date because it was "too close" to their wedding (ours is 3 weeks before theirs). Last week MG finally talked to the guy and explained our rationale for having our wedding on the date we chose--my dad's health being the main reason, but also b/c I'm a teacher and it's my Spring Break (which we shouldn't have had to explain anyway). He responded with "Oh, ok, if her dad is the reason, no problem at all. We just thought it was ONLY because it was Jenn's Spring Break" (to which I wanted to say "and so what if it was??")

Needless to say, we thought the issue was put to rest, as he had said it would be. During the same conversation, MG found out that this guy's best friend had just been medi-vacced to a hospital, and was in a coma on life support. We both prayed for his friend that night.

Cut to Sunday afternoon. My friend had posted the pic of the ornament dresses on facebook a day or so before and said how she's excited to wear a purple dress for my wedding. 
We are in Charleston with our friends and I get an email from the girl in this couple. THIS email to be exact:

Hi Jenn - I saw that you signed at the venue and were able to get a church too - that's great!  Congrats :) This is when all the fun stuff starts!  I feel like I was stressed until I had a venue, and then things started to click into place.

Since our wedding dates are very close together, I thought we should keep an open line of communication on decisions we both make during the wedding planning process, so we can avoid having identical weddings three weeks a part.  I am not saying that if I have a plated dinner, you shouldn't have a plated dinner - but I am talking more in terms of style and distinction such as color theme, bridesmaids dresses, groomsmen attire, wedding songs, etc.  Does that make sense?   We both have very different styles, so I am sure our wedding plans won't align too much, but I think this could be good to discuss just in case. We really want to avoid similar elements such as {MG's} groomsmen wearing the same thing as {C} & his groomsmen, the same invitations, same favors, etc., and I am pretty sure my girlfriends wouldn't be too happy about having to wear the same or similar bridesmaid dress that was worn three weeks prior.  

Since {C} & I have been planning since December, we do have a few wedding items confirmed already that I wanted to tell you about right off the bat.  In general, our wedding scheme is different shades of purple, ivory, with hints of green.  And you may already know that the bridesmaid dresses are purple, and from Alfred Angelo - (bought, paid for, and coming in September yay!), and I can send you the style number if need be.  {C} & his groomsmen are wearing three piece gray suits. We have intro songs, first dance songs, etc picked out haha, but I am sure you haven't started thinking about that yet.  Actually, we have a lot confirmed so far because I am a crazy planner, but that's all that I think would matter right now :).

Regardless, I think both of our weddings will be amazing, and a great time.  I just want to make sure they are both as unique as we both are, and I feel this is the best way to have stress-free planning! 

Cheers,
{R}

Keep in mind, the ONLY parts of this email that were changed were names. Also remember, that when she sent this email C's best friend was still in the hospital on life support and in a coma.
Also realize that we have MAYBE 12 friends who would be going to both of our weddings. None of which are IN our wedding (some of which are in theirs).

I'm pretty sure I cussed more after reading this email than I ever have in my entire life. MG was LIVID (as was I). We spent the rest of the weekend talking sporadically to try and figure out what we should do to handle it (since we didn't want to let this ruin our vacation with our friends).

Well, Monday night when we landed back home, MG got an email saying that C's friend had passed away. Obviously, this is the worst news to get. None of us wanted this to happen. Our hearts go out to C and all of his friends.

And now, how to handle this situation? Instead of addressing them/her as we had planned, I think we have to ignore it for now until it is brought up again, or until a better time arises if there ever is one in a situation like this. I've been having a hard time not getting angry (or even furious) every time I think about this situation, though, and dealing with the fact that this is now looming over us. We aren't heartless people, though, and our hearts go out to them dealing with losing a close friend. No one should have to go through that.

I want to know you guys' thoughts on this. I've heard it from our families and friends....I just want total outsiders' opinions on the whole thing. What do you think of her email? Her requests? How to handle the situation? 
Thanks in advance!
*hugs*

18 comments:

  1. Personally I think her email is outrageous! Why the heck should you "keep an open line of communication" on your wedding plans? The chances of you both picking the same invitations/dresses/suits etc are so very slim anyway! If I had ever received an email like that, I would have been FUMING!
    So sorry about C's friend though, how very tragic and sad. Perhaps she should be more focussed on being there for him through his grief rather than trying to call the shots on YOUR wedding...! (miaow!)

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  2. That's redic! Do what you want it's your wedding! Ignore it and just keep up with your planning!

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  3. Personally, she is WAY out of line. As in borderline crazy bridezilla. What on earth makes her think that just because they got engaged before you she can call "dibs" on colors, songs, favors, ideas, ect??? GAH this makes my blood boil.

    I would say ignore the email. If she brings it up again, I would just say you understand not wanting identical weddings, but that you are confident each of your weddings will be so unique that it isn't necessary to "compare" notes. And wish her luck.

    Personally, it just sounds like she is jealous because she got engaged first yet you're actually gettng married first!

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  4. So sorry for the loss :(

    Now, on to the email. I would ignore it and carry on planning YOUR dream day. You know it's YOUR day and you're not imitating her. And seriously, there are only so many colours, service providers etc out there that at some stage things will overlap.
    My brother got married one year and one day after me. The bridesmaids (I was one) wore the same style dresses but in a different colour. At one stage the photographer was going to be the same. We both used our cousin, who is a minister, to officiate. Both brides used the proteas my dad grows in our bouquets. A lot of things were pretty similar. In the end, friends who were at both weddings agreed that they were completely different. Why? Because we're very different people and even though so much was similar, it felt different because our personalities made it different.
    I would ignore her mail and if it gets to that point, tell her to just enjoy her planning process, enjoy HER special day and not to get her back up and begin a BRIDE WAR (open line of comm or not)
    Good luck! and feel free to post and vent more

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  5. Sorry, very long comment before!

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  6. Holy cow! Her email is completely out of line. I wouldn't feed into it by responding to her at all. It's your wedding and who cares if you end up having the same color dress, invitations, etc. It seems like she is losing track of what a wedding is really about if you ask me. Of course, if she brings it up again, I would just politely say that you've got it under control and don't really care to "compare notes."

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  7. My mouth was HANGING open as i was reading this!!! WHO THE FUUUUUUU.... DOES THAT GIRL THINK SHE IS?!?! i can't even believe she had the cajones to send that to you. she DEFINITELY does not realize what the important things in life are, and they sure as shit aren't whether or not you have the same bridesmaid's dresses as she does. just the fact that she thought to write that email during a time when a close friend was dying says it all. Wow. I really hope you guys distance yourselves from this couple because they just seem like evil people. LOL. And fine, if you want to plan and be organized, but at the end of the day, the most important part of the wedding is the actual marriage that's taking place, the covenant between two people. Not who has a certain song or napkin or party favor.

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  8. That's pretty damn terrible. I can't believe she sent that. Though trying to put myself in her shoes, I would be pretty upset going to an almost identical wedding just a few weeks before mine. Just based on the amount of money you'll both be spending to get everything perfect, it would cause me some anxiety too. At least she's not being passive agressive and telling you out right what her concerns are.

    But, with that said, your venues are different. I assume your dresses will be different, as will the bridesmaid dresses, and the flowers, and the groomsmen's looks, and the photography, and the DJ, and the food.

    I guess you have to decide if you want to remain close with this couple after the wedding or not? I would say it's not worth it to sacrifice a friendship, so I would just email her back and say something to the extent that you agree you wouldn't want the weddings to be too similar. Thank her for the info, and tell her you will keep her details in mind when making decisions. But then go ahead and plan your dream wedding. I really doubt that a similar color scheme will make the weddings feel identical. and 12 people is a pretty small overlap of guests so even if it is, who cares?

    I agree her timing was terrible, but some people are just too self obsessed to think these things through. You should definitely be the bigger person and handle it as gracefully as you can.

    XO!

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  9. What the heck??? If I was a bridesmaid in both weddings, I'd be MORE than happy to only have to buy one dress! But still, who the eff does she think she is telling you how to plan your wedding?? Can we say, bridezilla? What a crazy control freak. But despite the major annoyance this is, I'd probably just ignore it unless it happens again. Then you can just say that she doesn't need to worry about it. Your weddings won't be the same. The end. I really just hope this goes away without it being a big mess!

    ps-- I sent you an email about tickets to the Nationals game this morning!! :)

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  10. OH MY GOODNESS. First - how selfish is she?!?!?! Second - the year we got married, there were three weddings (in our group of best friends) in about a month and a half of each other. And we had a LOT of the same attendees, even almost identical wedding parties! And there were NO issues with the weddings feeling too similar. So she's worrying for nothing. Third - she's just worried that your good taste is going to trump her wedding! HAHA

    As for how to deal with it... is she a person you could go to coffee with? Discuss everything in person and talk about how you want to make sure that your wedding is about YOU guys, and while you're sensitive to her worrying about the weddings being the same, you need to make decisions about what you two want, and not about what her wedding will be like.

    Good luck! Gotta love wedding drama!

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  11. Wow. Just wow. You sound like you've got a real like "Bridezilla" on your hands. I think the best thing to do would be to just ignore the email and keep going with your plans. She should have no say in what you plan for your special day, and shouldn't expect you to share all of your details with her. Even if you both end up using purple, the odds of your weddings being too similar are very small. She sounds like a total control freak, and the best thing you could do would be to refuse to indulge her and just let it roll off your back. I feel sorry for her poor husband to be! You and MG just do what's best for you. No matter what, your wedding day will be beautiful and special!:)

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  12. Wow. Just wow. You sound like you've got a real like "Bridezilla" on your hands. I think the best thing to do would be to just ignore the email and keep going with your plans. She should have no say in what you plan for your special day, and shouldn't expect you to share all of your details with her. Even if you both end up using purple, the odds of your weddings being too similar are very small. She sounds like a total control freak, and the best thing you could do would be to refuse to indulge her and just let it roll off your back. I feel sorry for her poor husband to be! You and MG just do what's best for you. No matter what, your wedding day will be beautiful and special!:)

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  13. Wow, I can't believe she actually sent that! I'd just ignore the email and plan your wedding however YOU want it.

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  14. Wow. As sorry as I am for their loss (I wasn't clear if the friend who passed was a friend of yours and MG's as well..?? If so, my sympathies to you both, as well), the fact is, that that situation has nothing to do with your wedding. Also, no offense to you, or MG, or even to her, but this woman sounds borderline crazy. Even if the weddings were really similar, so what? Are you both getting the wedding you want? Then great! It sounds like she is more concerned with what people will be thinking about her wedding, than she is about making sure that SHE is happy with the wedding, which seems odd to me. Or, she could be worried about looking like a copycat or something, on the really slim chance that you guys do end up having very similar weddings, since yours is first.

    I was actually pretty mad right from the start, when you mentioned that the guy, C, had asked you guys to change your wedding date. I'm sorry if this is old-fashioned or un-trendy, but I really think that the date on which someone chooses to get married is absolutely no one's business! I am appalled at both of them, because I really find their behavior to be incredibly rude. "Oh, it's okay if it's for Jenn's dad, but it wouldn't be okay if you guys just chose that date randomly..."??? WHAT? That is just psychotic.

    Quite frankly, if it were me, I would respond to the email, and say something along the lines of, "Thanks for your kind words and congratulations. Like you, I also agree that we are both pretty unique, and our weddings won't end up being too similar. I prefer to keep my wedding planning more to myself at this point, and would also encourage you to do the same. Wedding planning should be about what the bride and groom want, and should not come with the added stress of trying to plan around what someone else may or may not be doing. I am hoping only to plan the wedding of my dreams, and do not wish to be made to feel guilty or like my preferences will be offensive to someone else. I sincerely hope that my decision on this matter will not affect our friendship, as I hold no ill will towards you for asking, and I do understand where you are coming from. I trust that we will both be able to proceed with our wedding plans with our fiances, unconcerned about what others (including each other) may think about our personal decisions."

    I'd shut it down now, or it will just continue to eat at you, and get more and more awkward the longer you put off the confrontation.

    Good luck!!

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  15. If I were in your situation, I would ignore the email and respond to the real issue at hand, the death of their friend. I think it's perfectly acceptable to send a card or express a note of sympathy for the friend who passed to both C and his fiancee.

    However, this is your wedding. For weddings, one doesn't "call dibs" on colors, styles, venues or etc. You plan yours and she plans hers and y'all just call it hunky dory. Don't let this get you upset because that seems to be the intention behind it. Leave her as much out of the loop of your wedding as humanly possible nad she will hopefully get the hint.

    Good luck! Keep us posted!

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  16. Ignore it...unfortunately since I work in the wedding industry – I can’t say something like this surprises me…oh the stories I could tell about things brides do…I think I should write a book 

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  17. Wow....who cares if your weddings are close together. You can do what you want and she can do what she wants (not have to report back to each other). I'm sorry you are going thru this...this should be a fun time for you and you shouldn't have to worry about silly stuff like this!

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  18. Oh my goodness! I have never commented on your blog before but this is so outrageous I felt compelled to write. I can't believe a human being would actually take the time to put an email like this together and then actually send it! Maybe it's because I'm older or have never been a bride but this person sounds incredibly immature and I feel sorry for her chosen groom. I agree this warrants no response and absolutely no consideration on your part. Aren't weddings supposed to be about love? This girl is treating her wedding like a social event paramount to the Academy Awards or something. So sad. Who cares what colors and song choices the two of you make?! This should be a celebration of the love between two people, everything else is trivial.

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