It's Friday!

Three posts in one week? Who am I?!? This post was made possible by the fact that I was home yesterday because Ella was up Wednesday night/Thursday morning from 12-3 throwing up. Our first bout of a stomach virus. Last week was pink eye, this week was stomach virus. Hey...December...I think we're good now! 

I just wanted to take a minute here to thank each and every one of you for reading yesterday, and for those of you who commented or messaged me separately, it meant the world to me to know that I'm not alone and that there are people out there rooting for us and praying for us. I couldn't ask for more. 

Kerry and Joyce specifically, you were a no-reply comment and I couldn't respond to you and I wanted to, so if you see this, shoot me a message with your contact information.

Today marks the last day of school before our Winter Break which is TWO glorious weeks long. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to the time off. To visit family, to spend some non-sick time with my kiddo (hopefully), to heal some more emotionally from everything, get in some time with friends....it will just be nice without the stresses of work. And one of those weeks I'll get to spend entirely with MG not at work which is always my favorite.

A couple other highlights this week:

~The painting that I talked about on Wednesday is finished and it's awesome! I can't wait to give it to my in-laws.

~Ella knows the song Jingle Bells, and sings along to it (in her own way, but it's obvious she's singing the song) and it is ADORABLE. Especially when she's wearing the necklace of lights/jingle bells and dancing away.

~I've gotten some super sweet gifts and cards from parents and students this week which always warms my heart. I got an email from a mom who expressed how grateful she was for an assessment and report I had done, praised my detail, and how well I've been working with her daughter. It made me feel really good, during a tough week.

~I've had some really fun interactions with my principal in the past week and I feel like she sees me on a different level now, which is actually very awesome. 

~We've had 12 days of cheer at school the past two weeks consisting of ugly sweater days and other festive wear, etc which has been a lot of fun and definitely brought a lot of cheer to my work days.

~MG was given Monday off instead of an early release day, so we get to head to see family earlier than we would have been able to.

Looking forward to some time with my mom this weekend, and making our way to see my in-laws and all of the nieces and nephew for the holidays. Lots of good things to come! Hoping your last minute holiday crunch isn't too stressful, and you've got some wonderful people to spend the holidays with!

With and Without a Baby

This post was supposed to be the one where I announced that we're having a baby and told you the cute story with all kinds of coincidences and details. Instead it's the one where I share that we were pregnant, and at 8 weeks, I lost the baby. 

Everything had been going well with my pregnancy, minus a scare with bleeding which ended with a doctor's appointment where I saw my little baby's heartbeat for the first time. Another appointment showed growth and that things were good. And at what was supposed to be my last appointment with my fertility doctor was when there was silence during the ultrasound. I knew immediately that something was wrong. Then I heard "the baby is measuring behind and the heartbeat is slower than we'd like." Then words like "50/50 chance". Shock, panic, fear, anger...all of it happened.

I was told to keep taking my shots for the next 5 days and to come back for another ultrasound on Tuesday right before Thanksgiving. The longest 5 days of my life. In my gut I had a feeling it wasn't going to be good news and I grieved the full 5 days.

I went to that appointment, and again, silence. I didn't see that tiny heartbeat flutter on the screen anymore. 

I scheduled a D&C for the next day (the day before Thanksgiving) instead of waiting to have my miscarriage over Thanksgiving.

To say we are saddened, upset, frustrated, angry and heartbroken doesn't begin to encompass everything that we felt. The past few weeks have been hard ones, healing ones, and embracing ones. We've been blessed by the outpouring of love that we've received from our friends and family who knew we were pregnant, and also knew that we lost our baby and I feel so thankful for that. I also have Ella who has been such a joy to watch, and has given me something special to focus and love on during all of this. I've tried to focus on the good, but I've broken down. It hits me out of nowhere sometimes. I'm doing my best to heal emotionally, but it's a process.

I share this here for multiple reasons. 1) to explain part of my absence lately. I really haven't felt like blogging much until I'd processed everything. 2) to document another chapter/story in our lives and 3) to speak my truth and let others out there who have had miscarriages know that they aren't alone. The more I've opened up about this, the more people I find out who have had a miscarriage. Which doesn't necessarily make things better, but it helps to talk with people who have gone through it and know what you're feeling. There's healing in leaning on someone else.

If there's anyone out there who needs to know you're not alone...here I am...you're not alone. This isn't an easy path to walk. It's a heartbreaking one, filled with tears, and "why us" questions, anger, and frustration. This doesn't define me, but it's also now a part of my story.

I'd still like to share the story of our baby, but perhaps in another post. It was written during that exciting time, when I didn't want to forget a single thing, and I still want to celebrate and commemorate the little being who would have been ours.

{WHW}: Pre-holiday Happenings

Currently:

Reading....ugh, I'm still reading Beneath a Scarlet Sky, but haven't touched it since we went away for a wedding two weekends ago and were kid free. Really hoping to get some reading in this winter break.

Drinking....water, tea, and cough medicine. Ella got pink eye for the first time last week, along with a cold. Luckily the pink eye didn't spread but the dang cold did and now I lost my voice.

Eating...we tried two new recipes this week: Shrimp Linguini Alla Vodka and it was really tasty and Chicken Tortilla Soup in the Instant Pot--also a hit! 

Anticipating.... the beach picture gift for my MIL and FIL which will be finished tomorrow! I asked the art teacher from my school if she could do something like the pic from Uncommon Goods that I posted about before and she hit it out of the park. The last updated picture I got from my friend was this and it is SO good! 

It's coming along SO well!

Spending....alllllllll the money. Last minute gifts, getting things on sale for myself (hi Loft), and we have Cooper's annual vet appointment this weekend which will be a kick to the wallet.

Loving....holiday parties. We went to our friends' housewarming/holiday party last weekend and hired a babysitter. It was a late night out, but we had SO much fun (including flipcup lol--who do we think we are?) which of course meant that Ella woke up at 540 am the following morning which she hasn't done in well over 8 months. But the partying was fun.

Missing....family. We got to see my SIL the other weekend for a bit when we dropped Ella off for the weekend so we could attend our friend's wedding in NY. Ella had a great time, we had a nice weekend away, and enjoyed celebrating with our friends! Luckily family time is coming up again this week.

Watching....The Handmaids Tale. We just started it on Sunday and wow are we sucked in! The first night I had vivid dreams about it ALL night long.

Finally...sent out our Christmas cards. I under-ordered this year and then we had a snafu with the labels when they printed, but they finally all got out this weekend. Next year we'll probably get a professional family photo together, but for now, this works.

Excited...that MG and I booked a little spring break getaway for ourselves, and miss Ella to Florida. It's months away, but nice to have something to look forward to, especially someplace warm!

Laughing....at Ella's latest antics. Downward dog across the ottoman and couch, in addition to jumping back and forth from one to the other.

Tomorrow I'm opening up and getting really personal on the blog. For now, link up with Jessi and I below about what's hap-"pinning" with you!

Confessions

I confess that...

... I had a post ready to go last Friday for my Weekly Wins and then totally forgot to add the pictures and post it. And then I planned to post it on Tuesday and the same damn thing happened. So, tomorrow will be a combo of the last two weeks (assuming I can get my act together)

....I'm way beyond excited that Vanderpump Rules is back. 

....I've been meaning to bring bagels in for Ella's teachers (and all of the other teachers that help throughout the day) for a while now, and haven't been able to get my ish together in order to get us out of the house in time to pick them up. Until Tuesday! I remembered right after Ella had gotten up, so I placed a quick order on my phone, got us out of the house 15 minutes earlier than usual (a feat in and of itself) and picked up 26 bagels and cream cheese for her teachers. They were thrilled and the extra effort was worth their smiles.

....Ella bit another kid at school the other day because they were playing with a toy that she wanted. Really hoping we don't have "a biter" on our hands and this was a one time deal. 

....I haven't changed the sheets on our bed since we hired cleaning people because they do it for us when they come every other week. And it's glorious.

....Ella is enamored with these light up reindeer that our neighbors have in front of their house, and I've used them as a bribe to get Ella to do stuff like put on her shoes and coat to go to school. I told my neighbors they may need to leave the reindeer out year round haha.

...speaking of Ella being enamored....she's started learning her classmate's names and the one I hear the most is "Liam!" Last week I heard his name on the entire drive home, and yesterday her afternoon teacher said she popped up from her nap, and started saying "Liam". Then at night she was trying to call Liam on her phone. Liam also said "Bye Ella" when I went to pick her up. It's the cutest thing!

....we went to see Santa this past weekend and it happened to be the same Santa that Ella saw last year which was fun. Except this year she wasn't having it unless I held her. #stage5clinger

What are you confessing?

{WHW}: Spending Spending Spending

On this WHW, I'm gonna share with you some of the purchases that I made over the Black Friday/Cyber Monday sales days.

For some reason I didn't realize that Loft Outlet sold clothes online. This is both amazing and incredibly dangerous for me (mainly my wallet). Also because there isn't a Loft Outlet anywhere close to my house, so my normal game of trying it and taking back to the store if it doesn't fit is gonna be a little harder.

I saw this dress and got it in anticipation of a wedding we're going to this coming weekend. Unfortunately it was too baggy on me when it arrived, but I still like the concept.

{via}

These two tops and set of earrings are my jam. Can totally wear the wrap top to work, and the other for casual weekends. 

{via} It is SO soft!!

{via}

I haven't worn hoops in a long while (hello grabby baby hands), so these will be a fun addition for adult nights out.

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I bought MG a watch for one of his Xmas gifts--I actually bought him two because I didn't know which one he would like better, so Xmas will involve a choice (don't you love choices?) Still waiting on one of them to arrive!

Ella's Christmas presents were purchased including this KidKraft kitchen that is likely going to take a small army of very patient individuals to assemble. Read: not MG and myself haha.

On sale for $99 from $179!

And this indoor trampoline that Ella looooooved when we were at our friends' house in MN. Both have arrived and are waiting in their boxes to be assembled. We may need several glasses of wine.

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I also got something practical for Ella in the form of a cute pink winter coat from Carters and some leggings. Nothing too exciting but getting a winter coat for $26 is a deal.

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This back massager on Amazon was a spontaneous purchase for MG and myself and is absolutely amazing. The heat is great, and the massager actually rotates one way and then switches and rolls the opposite way, so you get worked from different angles (that sounded dirty!)

I've used it on my back (lower and upper) and on my neck and it's been amazing. For $30, it's an awesome gift!

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I also ordered our holiday cards which are hopefully arriving today after taking a really long time in the regular mail! I'll share those with you all soon!

I haven't purchased it yet, but my husband and SIL's are thinking about getting this print (or something similar) for my in-laws of all of the family at the beach. Unfortunately UncommonGoods doesn't have a lot of customization for the people, and there would be 14 of us in the drawing. A great idea though, and one I think my in-laws would really like, especially my mother-in-law.

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What are some things that you purchased during all of the sales? How much is your credit card screaming right now? haha

Link up with Jessi and I below and share what's hap-"pinning" with you!