{WHW}: Life Updates

Happy Wednesday, friends! It's been a bit since I've been here and I was really just soaking up all of the time I was having with Ella before going back to work. Unfortunately, that dreaded day has come this week and I'm back at it, so I thought for this WHW, I'd fill you in on the random things I've been thinking about and dealing with.

~We had an amazing summer! Getting to spend 2 months with Ella, every single day was incredible. I won't lie, there were hard LONG days, and being a SAHM is NOT easy. But knowing that my time at home with her was limited made me appreciate even the tough days just that much more.

~Our family vacation to the beach was everything I'd hoped it would be and more. I still need to recap that, but it's not often we get 2 uninterrupted weeks together (other than maternity/paternity leave), and it was absolutely the best! Ella is definitely a little beach/water baby and it was the most fun watching her get to experience everything now that she's more alert and into exploring.

~We've been trying for baby #2 naturally for months now, in hopes that we'd be one of the couples that things just "clicked" for after having the first. That's not the case, and it's frustrating, upsetting, depressing and just ugh. We have an appointment with our fertility doctor next week to lay out next steps and get on our way with the next round of our infertility journey. There have been so many tears shed over this, and the feelings of "what's wrong with me?" resurfacing. I've said so many times, I just want to know what it's like to get pregnant naturally, without medicine and doctors, and it just doesn't look like that's in our future which has been hard to come to grips with, a second time around.

All this to say, I'm thankful that there are still options for us, and I am so thankful that we have Ella already. I know there are others waiting for their first pregnancy/baby and I TRULY understand that desire/heartache/struggle. This is just the place that I'm at, once again.

~Going back to work on Monday was a struggle. Ella is in a daycare center near our house for these two weeks before she starts her preschool program after Labor Day. It was the first time that I've had to leave my baby with someone I don't know and trust and that was SO hard. Last weekend was a bag of emotions that I had trouble dealing with (and I was doing it alone since MG was away for a bachelor party until Sunday early afternoon). I've realized even more this summer that being a mom just comes with all kinds of inherent guilt. Having Ella plucked out of my arms Monday morning, crying and likely scared/unsure of what was happening, and leaving her like that broke my heart. I sobbed on my drive to work, feeling like "how could I do that to her?" She was, of course, fine after a few minutes and had a great day...and yesterday she got out of my arms and just walked off to play, no tears. But there is SO much guilt. Working moms, SAHM moms...the guilt is there no matter what.

Morning snuggles before work/daycare:

I appreciated all of you who texted, or sent messages on Instagram checking on us on Monday and Tuesday, knowing it was going to be a tough day for us. I was reminded again why I love this blogging community so much and I've missed you all.

~My mom got us Hamilton tickets!!!!!!! We are going next week and I am still in shock! MG and I have been on the Hamilton train for over 2.5 years. I remember listening to the soundtrack on the drive to see my dad in the hospital, so we've been wanting to see this show for YEARS now. I'm pumped that it's actually happening and so so grateful that my mom made this happen!

On that happier note, I'll depart for today. I'm hoping to be able to get back here regularly now that I'm back to the work grind. 

In the meantime, fill me in on what's been hap-"pinning" with you!